Blurred Lines
by harveysdonna
Summary: An 8.14 AU. What if Thomas had arrived a little bit later?
1. peas in a pod

**Author's Note: I wrote this baby shortly before 8.15 came out but never got around to finishing it. This may or may not be a multi-chapter fic but we'll so how this one does. Technically, this is my very first darvey fic so apologies if they seem out of character! English isn't my native language so again, I apologize for any mistakes that might be in this fic. ENJOY! Please please please tell me what you think in the reviews and tell me if I should post another chapter leading up to 8.16! Thank you!**

* * *

"_Because you've always been-" he stops himself, unsure of what will happen if he lets the words out._

"_Been what? Too afraid to say it?" She's daring him to finish his sentence._

_Her gaze falls to the floor when he doesn't elaborate, a sigh slipping out of her. The disappointment is visible on her face as she looks back at him. She looks worn out. He feels it too. He's tired of their status quo. Of yet another unfinished sentence. _

"_Yeah, that's not a surprise."_

He's thinking of them when Scottie calls. The coincidence draws out a small chuckle out of him. Grabbing his phone off his desk, he presses the answer button.

"Scottie, to what do I owe the pleasure of this phone call?" he teases.

"Just calling to say thank you. You could've just thrown me under the bus but you didn't. Thanks, Harvey."

"It's the least I can do. After all, you've pulled me out of shitty situations numerous times. I gotta return the favor somehow." The teasing tone is gone now, replaced by a more serious, softer one.

"True," she says then a pause, "Guess we're even now."

"I guess we are."

A moment of silence passes between them before Scottie speaks up again.

"So," she hesitates, as if debating whether or not she should bring this up, "I guess the Donna thing still hasn't been resolved?"

"Scottie." The warning falls off his tongue, not wanting to discuss his current predicament with his ex-girlfriend. He can practically feel her smirk through the phone and immediately regrets the defensive tone he's using.

"You have to tell her, Harvey. She's not gonna wait around forever."

"Tell her what?" He's growing irritated by the second.

"You know what."

_You know I love you, Donna._

He quickly tries to shake off the painful memory off his mind.

"What makes you think she's even waiting?"

"If you still can't see it by now then you're an even bigger idiot than I thought you are." His lack of response makes her continue. "One day, she's gonna find someone who actually tells her how they feel and trust me, when that day comes the last thing you wanna do is look back on this moment and wonder 'if only'."

"That all?" His tone is clipped but she knows she's got him.

"I've said my piece. Now are you gonna say yours?" she questions him.

"Take care, Scottie. Try not to get involved in too many shady shit," he mocks.

"You're such an ass. Take care, Harvey." And with a press of a button, the call ends, leaving him alone with his thoughts once more.

_She's gonna find someone who actually tells her how they feel._

His former lover's words echo in his head, taunting him. A knot forms in his stomach at the mere thought of her moving on with someone else. He knows he's not supposed to feel this way. She's not his girlfriend. He doesn't feel anything towards her.

Right?

No, he doesn't feel anything. He doesn't feel anything for her when he chose her over Paula. He doesn't feel anything for her when he holds her close all night at their best friends' wedding. He certainly doesn't feel anything when she kissed him out of the blue in her office.

He thinks if he says it enough maybe he'll actually believe it.

But he doesn't.

No one does.

Something's shifted between them ever since he broke up with his girlfriend for her. This he knows. They've been different. The playful nature of their relationship have resurfaced and it reminds him of a different them. Of a younger, less complicated version of them. They share food and glasses of Macallan. They're a lot less guarded with each other than they used to be, allowing themselves to acknowledge past memories. Of that particular night and strawberries and whipped cream. The look of fond exasperation on her face whenever he gets away with mentioning that night is something that he strives for these days. That and the little smile she gives him as she shakes her head and calls him an idiot. They're inching towards _that_ place more and more every day and he's sure that she senses it too, that it's not just him. He knows this because he notices the way her gaze lingers a little too long at his lips whenever she thinks he's not looking, notices the way she's softer around him these days.

What he doesn't know is that she catches him doing the same thing often. Not yet anyway.

_Our lines are as blurry as lines can get._

Her words have never rung true more than they do in this very moment.

His whole body is itching to do something about it. To confront her and finally get them out of the limbo they've been in for the past 14 years. But as always, the fear overpowers the urge. Sometimes he thinks that maybe this is all they're meant to be.

Close enough to give each other a taste of what could be but never really enough to make it work.

He hopes to God that's not the case.

Time to find out.

Before he knows it, his feet are taking him away from his office, in search for the redhead that's been occupying his thoughts. Her office is empty when he gets there and for a brief moment he panics because maybe he's a little too late again. Walking out, he spots her figure near the receptionist. Just when he's about to let out a relieved breath, the sight of her standing there looking practically ethereal in a simple black dress leaves him breathless.

He voices out a timid greeting, "Hey."

"Hey."

"I just wanted you to know-"

"Scottie called to thank me, Harvey."

"That's funny she just called me."

"Well, I guess she's grateful to the both of us." She gives him a sweet smile and then they're engaging in a stare that's far too soft and intimate for the office he ends up momentarily forgetting what he's about to say.

He breaks the eye contact and shifts his eyes to the floor, visibly fidgeting on the spot. "Did she say something to you about.." he trails off, nerves getting the better of him.

"About what?" She sounds a little out of breath and he would've picked up on it if it weren't for the fact that he's scared shitless of what would happen next.

"Us." He swears he stopped breathing then. Cautiously watching her reaction, he waits for a response. He can see her eyes widen at his words, clearly not expecting them. Her jaw drops a little bit as her mouth forms an 'o', still not saying anything.

Harvey lets out a nervous chuckle.

_Oh, fuck it. What's the worse that could happen anyway?_

"I know that," he hesitates, gaze anywhere but on hers, "I know that we said things were back to normal between us but I just wanted to know if maybe we-"

The elevator dings and a familiar looking man steps out.

"Oh, perfect timing."

Harvey watches with confusion as the man lightly touches her arm and sends her a gentle smile. He can vaguely hear Donna choke out his name and he thinks she sounds a little flustered, as if he caught her doing something she doesn't want him to know.

Oh.

_Oh._

Thomas Kessler, CEO, one of Louis's client.

He doesn't let the shock show. Instead, he offers up his hand and lets Donna introduce them. The air is tense around the three of them. Thankfully, Thomas swoops in and puts them out of their misery by reminding Donna that they need to leave.

His body is paralyzed as he watches her leave with him. She turns to look at him as if wanting to say something but she doesn't. Neither of them does.

He lets out the breath he doesn't know he's holding when the elevator doors snap shut. Dread crawls up his spine. The realization doesn't hit him like a ton of bricks or a slap in the face. No, it creeps in slowly, like the missing piece of a puzzle he doesn't want to finish. He should've seen it coming.

Harvey gets it now.

He understands now why she's been pulling away these past few days. Why she hasn't been sparing time for him. Why she's usually gone at the end of the day before he can ask her to stay for a few drinks. She's been looking happier too.

He feels like an idiot. An idiot for even entertaining the idea that maybe, just maybe, she's been reserving that look for him. That they've been having these moments. He feels stupid for letting his guard down when all this time she's been moving on with someone else.

She's moving on from him and he's still stuck wondering whether or not she lied to him about not feeling anything.

Maybe he is an idiot after all.


	2. stalking horse

**Author's Note: FIRST OF ALL, I would like to give a shout out to my man Aaron Korsh for being the ultimate darvey trash and blessing us with The Promo because holy shit. Second of all, I'd like to thank all of you for being really kind and supportive, you guys really made my entire week with the nice reviews you sent my way. I decided to add Donna's POV of the 8.14 conversation so yeah that's in third and last chapter will probably be up sometime next week. Again, thank you so so much for taking the time to read this! Please don't forget to tell me what you think in the reviews! (or you could just freak out over the promo in the reviews, I wouldn't mind too)**

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After spending years and years with Harvey, Donna Paulsen has developed an uncanny ability to somehow sense his presence. She's leaving a folder of files at the receptionist's desk when she feels him approaching.

"Hey."

She turns around. "Hey."

"I just wanted you to know-"

"Scottie called to thank me, Harvey," she cuts him off, needing to cut the conversation short, especially after her call with the lawyer's former girlfriend. She can't deal with him. Not yet.

"That's funny she just called me."

"Well, I guess she's grateful to the both of us." She lets a smile grace her features then, unable to resist. He doesn't say anything to that but his gaze never leaves her. Something's different about him. The unusual demeanor sparks her interest, tempting her to ask him what the matter was and for a split second she has to remind herself that it's not her job to do that anymore.

After what felt like ages, he shifts his eyes downwards, clearly agitated. Donna can see him visibly struggling with what to say next. An uneasy feeling settles in her stomach. She has a feeling she can guess what this is about.

"Did she say something to you about.." he trails off and she wishes he'd just spit it out.

"About what?" she practically gasps out, internally wincing at the desperation in her own voice.

"Us."

_Oh God._

The two-letter word stuns her. In a way, she sees it coming but it throws Donna off her game all the same.

A nervous chuckle escapes his lips and if she's currently not busy trying to compose herself, she'd find it endearing.

"I know that we said things were back to normal between us but I just wanted to know if maybe we-"

She doesn't hear the elevator doors open behind her but the next thing she does hear feels like a bucket of cold water on her.

"Oh, perfect timing."

_Just her fucking luck._

The next few seconds are a blur as she introduces her boyfriend to Harvey, witnesses the way his façade briefly drops before quickly regaining composure, the nervous man she saw earlier gone just like that. She has to hand it to him, if she were anyone else, she wouldn't have noticed the slight tension in his jaw and the way his smile is forced but she's not anyone else. She's Donna and he's Harvey and they're a train wreck waiting to happen.

Thomas reminds her that they actually need to leave and as the doors are about to close, she dares one last look at him. Her stomach drops at the crestfallen look on his face. The way his shoulders slump and the way it looks like all the fight is drained from his body.

_I hope one day he sees what everyone sees._

Shaking her head, she shoves the image of him into a box labelled 'do not open' and focuses on the man on her side. But despite her best effort, a small part of her aches for the man she's called her best friend for the past 14 years, aches for them, aches at the tragic state of their relationship.

She wonders if they'll ever get the timing right.

* * *

It seems like the odds aren't in his favor when he arrives at the office the next morning to find her standing near the window sill. He mentally prepares himself for the talk that's about to happen as he makes his way inside.

"Donna."

"Harvey," she says in response before continuing, "We need to talk."

"You mean LeBron's game winner against the Knicks?" The joke falls flat. It's a lame attempt at stalling and they both know it.

She's facing him now. "You know what I'm talking about." Her face remains expressionless and it sends a feeling, a cold burn, up his chest before sinking down, down to the pit of his stomach.

"I wanna talk about what you were about to say last night before we got interrupted." There is a finality in the way she says it that leaves no room for discussion. It feels all kinds of wrong because she sounds like she's here to talk business and just like that, Harvey knows how this is going to end.

He follows her to the couch and takes a second to appreciate how she moves around his office like she owns the place. He might used to be her boss for a long time but this is how it's always been. Him following her lead. He realizes then that he'd follow her anywhere.

They sit facing each other like they've done lots of times before. Only this time, there aren't any drinks being shared or his father's records playing in the background. No, this time they're sitting there with an ocean of space between them. She supposes it's the perfect metaphor. They've never felt further apart then they do in this exact moment.

"Look, Donna, I know that this really isn't the best time to say this but," he hesitates but his eyes never leave hers, "I lied to you back then."

He doesn't specify which time but then again, he doesn't need to. She knows.

_That doesn't mean I want more._

Donna stiffens, an involuntary move that doesn't go unnoticed by Harvey. Letting his words wash over her, she has to remind herself how to breathe. It's as if the impact has knocked every wisp of air from her lungs and she's struggling to inhale, to exhale, to do anything.

"Donna? What's going on in that head of yours? I'm worried." A shaky voice – his voice, soft and unsure, snaps her out of it. Out of pure instinct, he reaches for her hand, intertwines their fingers and relishes the way her hand fits perfectly in his.

"What are you saying?" she chokes out, eyes blown wide and still not registering the fact that he's holding her hand.

"I guess I wanna know if you lied then too."

_Yes, _she wants to say. But no words come out.

It is then that she feels him squeezing her hand. Looking down, she sees her hand clasped in his and yanks it away. She tries to ignore the way her chest constricts when his face falls but to no avail.

A sudden coldness hits him at the core and he braces himself for what's coming next.

"Harvey, I didn't lie." The words leave a bitter taste in her mouth.

"Donna-"

Abruptly standing up, she walks away from the couch, away from him, needing to put some kind of distance between them. Where the hell is the guy who runs at the first sign of emotions? This emotionally available version of him scares her. It scares her because it brings out feelings she's been trying to suppress for years. It scares her because it means he might finally be ready when she's not.

Maybe this is all they'll ever be. A series of missed chances and wrong timings.

"I'm seeing someone, Harvey." Her own voice sounds foreign in her ears. "He's a nice guy and I really like him." It sounds like she's trying to convince herself instead of him.

Panic spreads through his veins like wildfire. He feels it again. The urge to flee. The very same one he had the night he told her he loved her.

"Of course," he rises from the couch, "God, of course. I'm sorry I-"

He stops in front of her and he genuinely looks sincere when he says, "I'm happy for you, Donna. I really am."

She struggles against reaching out for him when he brushes past her and the faint scent of his cologne lingers. She's not supposed to. Not with everything she just said and with Thomas in the picture.

With nothing left to say, she heads out the door, footsteps halting as she hears his voice, low and tentative. "I'm sorry, Donna. I guess I had to know, too."

She doesn't say anything or turned around, opting to leave instead. If she had stayed, she'd have been tempted to call things off with Thomas, to reach out for him. She can't risk it. Not when she has a good man waiting for her. Not when he's so quick to backtrack on his words.

A part of her wishes she had.

* * *

She told him.

She told Thomas when he specifically asked her not to. No, scratch that. He practically begged her not to do it and to have faith in him but she did it anyway.

He honestly doesn't know where they went wrong, doesn't know how they ended up here of all places. With Donna not trusting him enough to pull through. With their relationship falling apart along with the firm.

He's trying to simultaneously fight off a migraine and salvage whatever's left of the case when he hears her approach.

"Whatever it is, I don't wanna hear it. So you can turn around."

"Harvey."

"Donna, Simon fired me as he had every right to do because I trusted you to keep your mouth shut and you didn't."

"Because I couldn't."

He scoffs, "What the hell does that mean?"

"It means that I wasn't gonna let someone I care about get screwed when I had the power to stop it."

Fighting the urge to roll his eyes, he bites back, "In other words, you chose him over the firm."

"Yeah, I did and I'm not gonna feel bad about it because I have always put the firm first whether it is Mike's secret or Coastal Motors or a thousand other things."

"Then don't feel bad about it, Donna but get the hell out of my office."

"Okay, I see what this is. I see what you're really upset about."

He stands up, "I'm upset because I lost a client."

"No, you're upset because I chose Thomas over you." She winces as soon as she lets the words out. They're too goddamn revealing. And for the first time, she doesn't know what his reaction will be.

"Is that what you think?"

Too late to back out now. "Yeah, it is."

"Then you don't know shit because the only reason I was breaking my back to save this deal is because I know how much he means to you. If it were anyone else, I wouldn't have told you or Alex in the first place."

It doesn't make sense to her. "Then what are you so mad about?"

Having had enough, he snaps, "Because you didn't give me a chance to fix it when you said you would."

"You lost faith in me," he pauses, needing to catch his breath, "For all the time that we have been together that has never happened."

When her gaze becomes too intense, he averted his eyes, feeling the burn of the unshed tears behind his eyelids. He swallows the lump in his throat and he might as well be swallowing knives because _Christ, it hurts. _It pains him to look at her like this, eyes red-rimmed and defending herself for choosing someone else.

"Harvey, if there is anyone in the world that I have faith in, it's you." Her voice breaks and it takes everything in him not to make his away around his desk and gather her in his arms.

"But the clock was striking midnight and I had to make a choice and it is just a client. Can't you understand that?"

He shakes his head softly in defeat, all the rage and anger from seconds earlier gone, and she thinks she's never seen him this worn down before. She wasn't prepared for the new onslaught of pain the sight in front of her brings. Without even thinking, she strides forward, intent on reaching out and comfort him.

Just as she's about to reach him, a third voice startles the both of them. Looking over her shoulder, she feels her stomach churn when she spots Daniel Hardman at the doorway. Overcome with shock, she can only stand and watch as he tries to intimidate Harvey. And then he's gone, as quick as he came.

The guilt threatens to swallow her whole. She realizes then that she fucked up big time.

He moves to sit on the ledge, practically dragging his body there. The room is closing in on him and he can't breathe. _Inhale. Exhale. _His fingers scramble to loosen the tie around his neck, discarding the piece of fabric on his desk.

She lays a hand on his arm, eyes welling up over again when he flinches at her touch.

"Harvey?" Her voice is barely above a whisper, only for them to hear.

A lone tear trails down her face when he turns to look at her. "Go home, Donna. We're gonna have a fight on our hands."

He wants to reach out and wipe the tear on her cheek and he almost does. His hand is halfway up before he takes it back the last second, remembering their current situation. It would've been too intimate. Too much and that's the last thing they both need right now.

He leaves her standing there instead.

"Get some rest. I'll see you in the morning." And then she's left alone, there in the darkened room with nothing but her guilt.

_What has she done?_


End file.
